July 15, 2015, Mumbai:
Shilpa Shetty and her husband Raj Kundra announced the making of a soap opera for Indian television titled ‘IPL: Heroes to Zeroes‘.
At a glitzy affair attended by most of the bigwigs in Bollywood, the glamorous actress said:
“S2 Global Productions will be producing a magnum opus on the Indian Premier League, that will begin with its inception in 2008 and end with the current denouement by the Supreme Court on the fate of teams Chennai Super Kings and Rajasthan Royals. It will attempt to present our side of the story—the IPL saga from the viewpoint of team owners and their travails and run-ins with the BCCI dictatorship. Raj and I will be portraying ourselves. My husband has always been fascinated with Bollywood and has always wondered if he could romance me onscreen. This is his golden opportunity.
Our friends in Bollywood, Preity Zinta, Shah Rukh Khan and Juhi Chawla have graciously consented to be a part of this venture and play themselves as well. Talks are on with Lalit Modi to have him play a stellar role in the series. His is indeed a unique role. He is both hero and villain. Indian television has never seen such a paradoxical character and we would love to have him on-board. We will be shooting all his scenes overseas and are willing to accommodate his travel schedule while meeting our requirements.
We would love to have Mr. N Srinivasan and his son-in-law Mr. Meiyappan shoot for us as well. But we hope the public understand if that’s not possible.”
Ms. Shetty added:
“The production values for this series are lavish. We estimate that this will an even more expensive affair than Anil Kapoor’s 24. The show will be in Hindi and will be dubbed in the regional languages. We are also looking at international tie-ups for an English version of the series. The series will have several firsts. Each episode will be streamed live on a pay-per-view basis. The publicity will be conducted on social media only. We have a predilection for Twitter and Instagram as our preferred vehicles of choice.
We also hope that our out-of-work IPL crew and team-members will join us. We have starring roles of every member of the CSK and RR franchises. This is our way of ensuring that they do not feel left out in any way. We also have bit roles for the various team cheerleaders and hope that some of them can go on to bigger roles as item girls in Bollywood films. IPL anchors such as Archana Vijay and Shibani Dandekar are also being sought to be narrators for different seasons of the soap.
While we do have screen writers for the scenes and dialogues, the twists and turns in the plot write themselves. Truth in this case is stranger than fiction and we have no qualms in courting it.”
Mr. Raj Kundra said:
“This is a big bet for us. It can make or break our production house.”
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. While the personalities are real , all facts are made up and any resemblance to any persons living or dead is purely coincidental. But you knew that, didn’t you?
IPL-Bollywood Points Table
Star Played Won Points 13 5 (1 NR) 11 13 8 16 13 7 14
What he said:
“He’s come of age I think, and I have just aged. I have never been hit on my head before. “
Adam Gilchrist reacts to being hit on the side of the head by a Lasith Malinga bouncer.
What he really meant:
“If I cannot out of the way of a bouncer anymore, I am surely getting older.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“I’ve been appointed by Puma to test their helmets. Lasith, have another go on the fresh one.”
“For my team’s owner, Preity Zinta and her wonderful inspirational speech, I’ll take all the hits, Malinga!”
Preity Zinta’s pep-up talk before the big game against Mumbai Indians worked wonders for Kings XI Punjab. The Mohali home-boys trashed their opponents sending them crashing to only their third loss this season.
Though why Sachin Tendulkar decided to field first on winning his first toss in nine games is beyond my understanding. MI have done extremely well batting first.
In a fresh twist to the IPL saga, Vijay Mallya, Shilpa Shetty, Preity Zinta and Shah Rukh Khan have all decided to stand for BCCI elections.
The four owners of IPL franchises feel that it is in their best interests to serve as board members while at the same time retaining a fiscal interest in the IPL.
“If Srinivasan can hold office and have a team, why can’t we own a team and be office-bearers? It’s only fair.” said Vijay Mallya.
Bollywood stars have expressed their support and sympathy for Preity Zinta at the treatment meted out to her by Chandigarh airport officials.
The Punjab XI co-owner was asked for her identity papers by a Central Industrial Security Force (CISF) employee.
“The ‘stupid’ security guys just refused to recognise Preity.” said Choky Manday, a male star with a total of zero hits.
Who is Paul Valthaty?
Who is this guy, who appears out of nowhere, and single-handedly takes the reigning IPL champions, Chennai Super Kings, to the cleaners?
188 ought to have been good enough—a match-winning total.
But no, Paul “Blazing” Valthaty had other ideas.
Like his Biblical namesake, he rewarded the faith in him with an explosive knock under pressure.
1> The two franchise owners could go to court thus staying the auction of players in Jan 2011. This could have the effect of jeopardising or at the least delaying IPL 4 with two possibilities arising: one that the teams are reinstated and thus IPL 4 goes on as scheduled , with some last-minute patch-ups and glitches.
The other is that the BCCI move is upheld and Raj Kundra and Preity Zinta sustain losses on their investments. The fans of Rajasthan Royals and Punjab XI are left feeling disgruntled and the other franchisee owners are left holding their queasy tummies in the sickening realization that the BCCI is a law unto itself and business motivations can take a backseat.