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‘Book-fixing’ hits inter-school book cricket competition (Satire)
MUMBAI—
The spectre of ‘book-fixing’ raised its ugly head at the annual inter-school ‘book cricket’ competition last Sunday, the 8th of May 2011.
The school championship , over the years, has been dominated by Shuddersharam English Medium School and Potter High School.
This year, it was no different.
The final saw familiar antagonists confronting each other.
What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: Paul Collingwood
What he said:
“So when Geoff Miller told me, it was like a juggernaut had come along at full steam and completely wiped me out … just disbelief.”
Paul Collingwood on his axing as England’s T20 captain.
What he really meant:
“I’m shell-shocked and steaming.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“I’m gonna find out how a juggernaut runs on steam engines.”
Random thoughts on the IPL, Chris Gayle and Saurav Ganguly
Random thoughts on cricketing happenings last week:
The Sri Lanka Premier League, in my opinion, has a couple of advantages over the IPL.
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It will have just seven teams.
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It will last only 18 days.
What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: Tillakaratne Dilshan
What he said:
“Next season I’ll need a bullet-proof chest pad as Gayle is hitting them like a rocket.”
Tillakaratne Dilshan on Chris Gayle’s blazing form for Royal Challengers Bangalore and how he’s enjoying the close-up view.
What he really meant:
“The way Gayle’s playing, I’m safer in the pod.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“If I get the bullet-proof chest guard, I’m touring Pakistan.”
Weekend Cricket Diary:Shivnarine Chanderpaul , English triumvirate and Gayle storms
Image via Wikipedia
6th May 2011
Shivnarine Chanderpaul straight-batted the West Indian Cricket Board (WICB) once more with his straight talk.
Speaking to Line and Length, a local radio station, the seasoned campaigner slammed the West Indian management as ‘interfering’.
“I think, given the opportunity, I might have got bigger scores. Every time I settled in and started to get runs, messages would come telling what to do and what not to do, how to bat and how not to bat.” said the Guyanese.
What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: Rohit Sharma
What he said:
“”I don’t want to think too much about that. I am taking one thing at a time. I just want to concentrate on theIPL. I want to win the trophy for Mumbai. By thinking too much you just confuse yourself.”
Rohit Sharma claiming that he is not thinking of an India cap yet.
What he really meant:
“If I play well, then I can expect an India call, but why count my chickens before they’ve hatched? It’ll be like putting the cart before the horse.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“I don’t think.”
What he said, really meant and definitely didn’t: Geoffrey Boycott
What he said:
“We made some appalling selections in India and our team did not look like they could win an egg cup let alone the World Cup.”
Geoffrey Boycott making it clear that England needs to take a hard, bold look at their approach in the shorter format of the game.
What he really meant:
“The English team at the World Cup were pathetically inconsistent. I threw in that egg cup bit to bolster my point.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“I’ll coach this team into winning at croquet and lacrosse.As a bonus, I’ll teach them to putt into an egg cup from six yards.”
Ten labours on Shane Warne’s To-Do list, post IPL 2011 (Humour)
Ten things that Shane Warne can do once he retires from the IPL:
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Marry Elizabeth Hurley.
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Coach or mentor the Rajasthan Royals (But, of course).
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Commentate (Obviously).
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Pen another autobiography. His first one’s titled “Shane Warne: My autobiography".
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Model and endorse Estee Lauder products.
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Write an agony aunt column on dating, breaking-up and re-dating.Advice on Twitter as a dating tool included.
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Act (in a Bollywood blockbuster co-starring Shilpa Shetty).
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Run the Big Bash Down Under.
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Represent Australia once more. (Come on, there’s no one even close to Warney
in the pipeline.) -
Play 888 Poker.
Quote of the day:
Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes. – Mickey Mouse
Anjum Chopra appointed coach of Indian T20 team (Satire)
Taking a cue from the English Cricket Board (ECB), the Board For Cricket Control in India (BCCI) appointed Anjum Chopra coach of the Indian T20 men’s team.
“The English have been very innovative lately. They stole a march on us by appointing three different captains. We had to do something.This is how we regain the initiative.” said Mr. Ratnakar Shetty, BCCI head of operations.
“It also makes for good PR to have a woman coach at the highest level.” added Mr. Shashank Manohar, BCCI President.
What he said, meant and what he definitely didn’t: Shah Rukh Khan
What he said:
“Dada is my favourite player. But we need to move on. I wish him all the best with Pune Warriors and hope that he does really well.”
Shah Rukh Khan making it clear that KKR don’t need Saurav Ganguly’s services.
What he meant:
“Now if Ganguly would have done a few more promotions with me, everything would have been hunky-dory.”
What he definitely didn’t:
“In Chak De II, I’m playing the coach again and Dada’s the captain of the team.”
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